My Son, My Beautiful Son

My heart is breaking, aching, falling into pieces, cascading downward, landing softly, interspersing with yours. This intricately designed puzzle devoid of instructions, each interlocking piece lavishly stained in colors and patterns, facing upward, beckoning for assembly—it’s complicated. I struggle to place the oddly shaped pieces in harmony with the others; there’s no clear picture of the end mosaic, completely lost in its complexity, vulnerable, apprehensive, feeling inadequate and incapable. Countless pieces isolated, waiting to be orchestrated into a recognizable portrait, unobscured.

I envision a landscape of porcelain and seafoam hues forming a vast ocean sea, a spectrum of tangerine and fuchsia stretching across the cloudless sky generated by the disappearing sun over the earth’s horizon. Waves rolling gently, seagulls gliding overhead rhythmically squabbling, calm breezes whispering. I visualize my sweet boy exploring the shell-ridden sandy beachfront, jumping over foamy waves, fulfilling his sensory needs, enjoying peace, solace, finding contentment. He belongs here.

Sweet boy. My breaking, aching heart is intertwined with yours; in indescribable ways you have captured my soul and I never want to let go. It is you that has taught me genuine, profound, compassionate love that knows no boundaries; an unconditional love that envelopes, accepts, hopes, and perseveres through unpredictable challenges. I promise to walk by your side, be your voice, advocate on your behalf. I am entangled in the obstacles that materialize before us, my hand surrounds yours, together we will be brave.

There are fragments interlocking beautifully, revealing portions of an exceptionally beautiful puzzle, more prominent than the futile pieces refusing to connect. This artwork reveals your story of bravery, beauty, complexity and struggle. Your bright, beautiful eyes radiate joy and curiosity, but also express fear, apprehension and doubt, I notice. Continue to teach me how to assemble additional pieces, to accept, discern, recognize the multitude of layers, fragments, segments that fabricate my sweet, amazing boy.

Forever I am changed. Forever I am stronger. Forever I will love you, just as you are.

Lora Charles

Lora Charles, RN. Ordinary mom of three. Avid marathon runner. Budding photographer. Walking hand-in-hand with one extraordinary boy through the challenges and triumphs of autism.

Latest posts by Lora Charles (see all)

Related Posts

Life With Autism: Richard Mylan & His Son, Ja... Welch actor, Richard Mylan, talks about raising his autistic son, Jaco, in a recent BBC documentary. They've both come a long way since Jaco's diag...
She Has Non-Verbal Autism, But Her New Friend Unde... If you have a non-verbal child, chances are you know how hard it is for them to make friends. That's why we know you'll love this video. The mother...
To All of the Amazing Dads To show our appreciation on Father’s Day, and every day, we present these nine wonderful posts celebrating amazing Autism Dads. ...
5 Ways Being an Autism Dad Has Changed Me Most guys have a vision of what life will be like when we become a Dad.  We think about teaching our sons sports, helping them with homework, talking ...
Looking Back Now Is Easier Than Looking Forward Wa... It was strange, thinking back, how the course of our daughter's life changed in a moment. A moment that took place in a portacabin, painted with cheer...
The Easiest Way to Teach Your Kid to Tie Their Sho... Kirsten Johnson, a mom in Canada, developed this simple shoe-tying method years ago, when she worked with kids on the autism spectrum. She remembered ...
The Unconditional Love He Has for His Autistic Son Bill Davis and his wife were told to put their son, Chris, who has neurological damage, physical disabilities, and a severe form of autism, in a home....
We Are All Different, Not Less Most people, including me, seem to be primed to recognise faces in inanimate objects. I know that I instinctively add a layer of social story to the t...
When Living With Your Autistic Child Becomes ̵... I went with my daughter to see a mental health advisor. Her anxiety is out of control, her sleeping is poor and her eating almost non-existent. It is ...
The Autism-Friendly Products We REALLY Want When your child has autism and disabilities, you start to notice as they get older that some products you’d like to buy just aren’t easy to get hold o...
Piece by Piece Piece by piece, I felt my aching heart shatter into a million pieces. Each piece slowly tore away until my heart, which was once whole and perfect, cr...
My Great Autism Parent Expectations Recently, buying my child a pair of jeans almost caused me to have an anxiety attack.  For years, my son refused to wear them (read: meltdown). Instea...